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It’s not really ALL about me

While I usually don’t enjoy spending time talking about myself I figure if I want you to understand me, my motivations, and trust me, I need to open up.

Overall, I’m a pretty normal guy. My main passion is hunting; cougar, elk, bucks, ducks, you name it. And I fish. I have been married now for 6 years which means I am in a relationship with a good friend who does not put out. Ha! I jest. Kind of. Ok not really but it’s ok, I can take care of myself.

I work in upper management at a large “to remain nameless” corporation. I like my job overall, it’s a means to an end for me; a luxurious retirement before I am 50. I have a great team of guys (and one girl) working for me so I enjoy going in and hanging with the team. I work out like a mad man and love every minute of it. The more I push myself, the happier I am. Give me 400 yards of non-stop lunges, rope climbing, and some running and I am a happy man. I adhere to a strict diet of protein, fruits and vegetables and no sugar, dairy or carbs. Now don’t get me wrong, I do allow myself the indulgence every once in a while but then I ensure I make up for it with an extra intense work out and dietary moderations for a bit. Like when I am out hunting for a week or two in the woods I will relax some and have a few almond butter sandwiches to keep me going. Then my diet consists usually of whatever game I caught and protein shakes. Side note: stay away from the soy tho peeps, NOT good for you. It’s all about whey. But I digress. Hmm, more about me…I enjoy spending time on my boat either fishing or just hanging with friends. I also like trying out new beers and wines. Socializing is a must for me; it’s part of how I recharge.

Physically I think I am on the upper end of the scale. Opposite of what many have said from reading the blog I am not a fat guy who feels like guys can let themselves go while women must maintain. It goes both ways. I am fit, I take care to dress nice, keep my fingers and toes trimmed (and yes, I have even indulged in a manicure/pedicure and can admit this because I am secure in my manhood). I think I have a good sense of humor, am compassionate, intelligent, know how to have fun and if you’re a friend of mine, I will always have your back. And if you’re a female friend I am happy to have your front too. KIDDING! Calm down.

My weakness: sometimes caring too much. I want people to be happy. I want them to like me. I don’t like confrontation or emotional highs and lows. I’ll sacrifice if it means keeping the peace – unless it is hunting season. Then I hunt and if it causes issues I deal with them when I get back. But really, I am serious when I say I care. That’s the whole damned reason I even agreed to do this blog in the first place. I’m tired of seeing people go through the same sh*t all the time when a few simple tweaks would result in happiness.

And if not total happiness, at least enough to make the lows bearable. My wisdom and some good tequila and life can be good. Real good.

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Your friends are not ours

I promised you readers some insight into how we as your husbands, boyfriends or “wanna-be” boyfriends really feel about your girlfriends. Our feelings (like so much of what I say) are simple; we don’t care. We don’t care that Tina just broke up with the third guy this month and can’t seem to keep a man. We don’t care that Holly lost her job and might have to move back in with her mom. We don’t care that Monica is going to Hawaii with her boss on a “business” trip. We….don’t…..care.

Ok, now that said, there is one small caveat to this, we don’t care……unless your girlfriend is smoking Hot. Then we don’t mind hearing how she broke up with her boyfriend, lost her job and is boning the boss. It feeds our imagination.

Now I know the women reading this are thinking “PIG!” but I am not lying when I say this is pretty much universal ladies. Your man may listen to you as you detail how your ugly friend Trisha’s mom has cancer and he may even provide a sympathetic head nod but what he is really thinking about is more along the lines of “what’s for dinner” and “will you be putting out tonight?” If he does seem really interested in your friend story then he is thinking about the latter and hoping his attention will ensure you’ll be putting out tonight.

It’s not that we are insensitive, self-absorbed pigs as I so often hear. It’s more that your friends have no positive impact in our lives – unless they are hot. They don’t cook for us, they don’t sleep with us, they usually don’t have anything interesting to say to us so we choose to not occupy brain space with any useless information about them. Now, if they are the Hot friend, then they do play a positive role in our lives. They give us infinite fodder for fantasies.

Now before you go getting all huffy this does not mean we don’t love YOU. It doesn’t even mean we would ever try and sleep with your Hot friend. It just means we are visual creatures and enjoy the view when she is around. And on nights when you have a headache, we might indulge in a little fantasy about you and Hot friend getting it on. But we still love you. We still think your hot, and we still want you in our bed at night. But, if you ever have the desire to bring Hot friend with you, we won’t argue.

Get up and move!

So I am starting this blog because of multiple requests from friends. Personally I don’t think anything I have to say is news to anyone but maybe it is just the fact that I am honest, I speak the truth – say what I think. That said I am genuinely a nice guy. I care about people, their feelings and I want people to like me.

Now I need everyone (especially the women readers) to understand from the get go that I am not an ass just because I have the guts to speak the truth and say what is on my mind. I am also not some wounded “little boy” looking for the right woman to straighten me out. I say this because I know that even tho I state this up front, there are women out there who will do that “reading between the lines” thing on this blog and think they’re the one who really knows what I need, or they can fix me, or that I just need to find the perfect woman. I have a woman. I have had lots of women. I don’t need fixing and know what I need. Ok, that said I shall begin the blog.

This is mainly going to be my musings on how men and women can relate to one another better by being open. I know this is not earth shattering but I am amazed at how many of my friends all struggle with the same issues with their women/relationships. So the first thing I am going to tackle is the most prevalent and the one thing that causes the most fights and distress among the couples I know – Weight. Specifically, women’s weight. This is one of those tricky areas that we as men are “supposed” to know how to navigate around yet really, we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t in almost 100% of cases.

Here’s my take on it (and again people, this is SIMPLE); women – if you don’t like how you look FIX IT! Don’t expect us to cater to you and your insecurities. That is not our job nor is it something we would ever sign up for if we did not want to ensure we continued to be able to have sex with you. (insert gasp here). I am not being mean; just honest. Women – here’s a surefire plan to guarantee that you never have to worry about how you look:

1)      Put down the remote

2)      Put down the <insert junk food of choice here>

3)      Get off your butt

4)      MOVE!

Seriously, move. Move, grunt, sweat, cry out in pain but move. By following these 4 simple rules you will:

1)      Look good in your jeans

2)      Look good out of your jeans

3)      Feel better

Honest. If you have the ability to look your absolute best and all it takes is some discipline and action on your part, why would you not jump on it? Why do you spend time reading gossip sites, having wine with friends, getting your nails done, then lamenting that your pants are too tight or your arms are flabby and  asking us if we still think your beautiful?? Yes, you’re pretty. Yes, we want to sleep with you, but are you as hot as you could possibly be? Nope. But you can be. You have the time (see time-wasting activities above), you have the ability so just do it (and please ladies, if you are a quadriplegic or are in the middle of chemo treatment please do not write to me about not having the ability. You know what I mean). Stop putting us in the awkward and almost physically painful position of either 1) lying to you or 2) telling the truth and sleeping on the couch. It’s not fair to either of us.

That concludes my first blog entry. I hope both men and women have found this helpful and understand I come at these issues from a place of caring. I see so much misery among couples and while I don’t claim to be an expert, I think I have some really good ideas on how to help.

Check back next week for my entry on how we feel about your girlfriends.

Take care

J